Alexandrian Nights

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Freedom for children

How would you raise your future children?
This was the pivotal subject me & my friend K were discussing yesterday ,he had some ideas and I had mine and between this and that we had some points of agreement and vice versa ,none of us are married ofcourse but it was fun to have such a discussion with a friend especially a male one!

Then suddenly he raised a question ,he asked(and what about prayers?) ,I said (what exactly about them?) ,he said(won't you make them do their prayers?) ,I said ?(OK ,but what exactly you mean by"make them do"? ,what do you exactly mean?),and I should tell you that I usually try to be very specific and accurate when I am talking with K cause he's very intellectual and sometimes he will be unnecessarily philosophical even when the conversation has no need for that! ,he started telling me that every father should teach his children how to pray and that would be preferable at the age of seven and then they should be hit at the age of ten if they are not regualry praying! ,to my knowledge I know that this is truly based on the prohet Mohammed instructions ,in a particular 7adees he say that clearly ,I started telling my friend that I know all of that but I can't simply do that ,I can't hit my child like that at this critical age especially for something that should be done as a clear choice not under enforcement ,my friend looked to me puzzled and said(don't you know that you would be responsible for that at judgment day? ,don't you know that you would be questioned about how you raised your children?),I said (OK ,but I still insist that I can't hit my child like that ,why don't I teach him how to pray and then he should be committed to it? ,do you think that hitting him would be a good idea?) ,my friend then started his philosophical debating which I don't like him usually go into that mood ,many things in life doesn't need that especially the clear as skies ones ,he started explaining that hitting is not meant to be the actual hitting ,it's a kind of physical contact similar to when you press on someone's shoulders with a powerful grip! ,he continued saying that there's another 7adees that explains the previous one and giving more details about how the children should be hit! ,based on his words the hitting:1)shouldn't leave a mark on the child's body 2)shouldn't break an arm or a leg! 3)shouldn't be a slap on the face.

I haven't read or heard about this other 7adees ,all I know is the original one with the clear word(hit them at ten) ,there's no further words after that ,I told my friend that this other 7adees may be religiously authenticated but even that I am not comfortable to the idea of hitting at all ,prayers is a relationship ritual that is aimed towards God ,and it should be based on love not on fear ,I have some bad memories when I was still a child and we were living in Saudia Arabia ,the children in the primary schools there is enforced to pray at the time of prayers while they are at school's time ,you may not believe it but most of the children wasn't actually praying at all ,just pretending to and even some of them would be going to pray without washing themselves first as the prayers interactions should be! ,why we would raise our children on fear? ,why don't we convince them of the idea of prayers and how that it should be done and how God almighty is merciful ,kind and great? ,children never forget physical pain and it stays attached to their memory for a very long time ,it won't be a good thing to attach prayers to physical pain in their minds ,why don't we raise them on freedom of mind basics and teach them how to select the right things and avoid the bad ones? ,will you be proud when your child are committed to prayers and he grows up like that and at the same time he never do anything to fight the injustice and dictatorship of most of the Arabian countries? ,what would you do if your child pretends that he is praying to avoid your punishment and then he takes drugs or smokes when he's out home? ,will this be a good thing?

Sorry my friend ,I won't hit my child for that ,I will teach him how to pray ,will teach him how to choose the right things in his path ,I will teach him how to be a proud person ,I will teach him how to say NO in the face of the injustice & slavership we suffer ,will teach him how to be open minded and never be closed on himself ,I will never hit cause I won't him to hit my grandchildren!

8 Comments:

  • At 11:32 AM, Blogger Nesrina said…

    Nightlegend,
    That's an extremely interesting post.
    Please allow me to share with you the reason why I am very keen on performing the prayers and you will know my opinion about the whole subject ...
    when I was young my dad was the one who taught me how to perform the prayers, he used to be the Imam, his voice was very soothing and beautiful while reading Qor'an and he used to sit with us (me and my sister) after performing the prayers and teach us new things about religion or tell us stories about the prophets or sa7aba in a very simple yet interesting way, we used to learn, laugh and enjoy what he was doing, he implanted in out hearts the love of god, prophets, religion and all the Islamic rituals so now while we are doing it we really feel the peace and enjoyment of performing what we were ordered to do.
    But to be fair let's assume that another family with different kids have experienced difficulty trying to teach their kids to pray how can they make them to do that.. yes MAKE them because you are saying they have to make it optional for them but if you are a father and you really love your children you won't imagine them to be punished by god for it so you do what you can to protect them.
    I am against hitting by ALL means but as there is heaven and hell, which indicates the involvement of the physical pain as a principle… may be the hitting option which I am sure it has to be used in very limited and special cases is the extreme alternative to make them love to pray and rewarding them for it and it might be just to emphasize the importance of it.
    What I think is if the parents had some problems but they tried very hard to make the hard things appealing and loveable to their children, the children won’t only be convinced and enjoy that in the future, but also god will reward them for their mercy and their effort to obey him and on how they executed his orders in the best way.

    So sorry for the VERY long comment,
    Nesreen

     
  • At 8:08 PM, Blogger Rain said…

    Hey Night,
    I totally agree with u..hitting is never a means for teaching.
    It's an aggressive way that hurt not only physically but spiritually..imagine how the child's phsychological status be when being hit???:S

    And like u said, the child may pretend to be praying or(whatever) for fear of being hit , and later he will rebel.

    If the child opens his eyes to see his parents regulary praying he'll try to imitate them at first and bit by bit he'll ask to be taught.

     
  • At 10:52 PM, Blogger Me said…

    Night,
    I think you can implant in your children a love for praying and Allah at a very young age... and you won't need to hit them then ...

    I've seen my cousin's children at the age of 7 start to pray almost regularly.. they love to see their mother praying and most of the time stand next to her while she does so...they think of praying as "talking to Rabena" and they love to do that... by the time they reach the age of 10 I'm sure isA that they'll be praying regularly...

    It all depends on what you deal with the issue at a verrrrry young age...

    isA Rabena yarzoqna belzoreyya elsala7ah ajma3een :-)

     
  • At 10:53 PM, Blogger Me said…

    "It all depends on what you deal with the issue at a verrrrry young age..."

    I menat "how" you deal with the issue...

    typo :-D

     
  • At 5:24 PM, Blogger Cliche~ said…

    The problem with your friend, is that like many people today, he is taking religion too literally. Its the new 7afez mesh fahmed attitude. The attitude of religion= a set of rules, that are to be applied FULL STOP. However its a much more complex personal idea than that. What's the use of praying if it lacks the belief? What's the use of any ritual if it lacks the necessary belief behind it, it just becomes a physical activity that you run through like a robot...

    Nesreen, you can't force ideas into your child's head, they always need to know that there's an element of choice, and true belief stems from CHOICE.

    Coz fair enough even though there is heaven and hell, we need have more trust in the profoundness of God, surely God won't judge us merely upon the physical superficial rituals of praying, surely it is much deeper than that.

     
  • At 12:03 AM, Blogger Eman M said…

    If you teach them how to pray "in the right way", I don't think you'll ever need to hit him.
    It is the learning way is the key of the success of the whole issue.
    The child has to be filled with Allah's love, and he has to love praying, and watching his parents praying regularly, accordingly he will never leave it out.

     
  • At 7:43 PM, Blogger Nightlegend said…

    Nesreen:
    Thanks alot for your valuable comment and please don't apologize again ,I agree with you that parents should try to avoid the punishment of God towards their children ,and that's I said but in a different way ,teach them how to pray but without physical enforcement ,I liked also the beautiful approach you described in teaching children the rituals with lovely manners to make it a lovable attitude for them.


    بفضفض:yes there's another methods of punishment other than physical hitting and that was one of my suggestions.


    rain:that's one good method to teach children how to pray.


    me:another good approach ,(talking to rabena) ofcourse seems appealing to alot of children.

    cliche':thanks alot for your first visit to my blog and for your strong opinion.

    eman m:I agree with you but what if the child simply refuse to do the prayers? it's possible and can happen.

     
  • At 3:33 PM, Blogger Laura(southernxyl) said…

    It's interesting for me as a Christian to read these comments. There are those of us who force their kids to go to church until they hate it, and there are those who probably go too far the other way giving them freedom to avoid church and prayers when they are small. I like your ideas, Nightlegend. It's wonderful when your kid comes to you with spiritual questions and obviously wants to know more about God and what he wants of us. I think that's more likely to happen when we lead by example rather than force.

    Among us, there's a saying: "God has no grandchildren." That means that no matter how devout a parent is, his child has to develop his own relationship with God. And it has to come from within. You can't make it happen, no matter how much you want to because you love your child.

     

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